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《超级名模生死斗》之后　KhrystyAna的非典型大尺码模特旅程

（文末附上英文访谈内容／English version of this interview is down below.）

20岁和妈妈一起从西伯利亚移民到夏威夷，再从夏威夷到旧金山，最后落脚纽约，已经在美国待了将近13年，由实境选秀节目《超级名模生死斗》成名的 KhrystyAna Kazakova，不只是模特儿，更是身体自主（Body Positivity）与性别平等（Gender Equality）的倡议者。

她平时参与拍摄，闲暇时举办活动，致力将「以自己的身体为荣」以及「尊重多元性别」的想法扩散、普及。她的Instagram风格捉摸不定，有时是当模特儿时拍摄的作品，有时候是与品牌合作的自制可爱影片，没有单一制式的风格，让大批粉丝每天都很期待她的更新。

KhrystyAna 25岁才入行，身形虽然和一般美国女性无异，但在模特儿界被归类在大尺码（Plus-sized），论年龄、论身材，KhrystyAna都是非典型模特儿，外媒常用Bubbly来形容她，然而她在镜头前的阳光、自信底下，有着更深刻的核心价值。

纽约一夜的大雪过后，在布鲁克林威廉斯堡的咖啡厅里，KhrystyAna穿着宽松的运动服、大大的黑色毛帽把头发全束了起来，她素颜、戴着大眼镜，一看到我就跟我道歉，说前几天的一场拍摄，彩妆师用同一支刷子化每个模特儿，让她的眼睛和脸肿了好几天，到现在都还没好，「而且好像还感冒了，但应该没有传染性啦！」她用沙哑的声音这么说道。

而后，我们从《超级名模生死斗》聊到身体自主，从纽约聊到社群媒体，KhrystyAna的非典型也体现在她的思考面向上。

「能不能跟我们分享一下，在《超级名模生死斗》里学到最多的是什么呢？」

『我学会更有自信，更「拥有」自己，不过那是在节目很后段、几乎快结束的时候了。

在参加《超级名模生死斗》的时候，我非常在意别人对我的评价，一直在寻找认同，可能讲了一句话后会不停回想，会觉得：「唉，如果当初不要讲这句话，或是换个方式讲就好了。」也因此不断批评自己，但我后来意识到，就算我一直在最后几名，那又如何？我从来不觉得我可以挤进决赛。在这个节目中，我学会不要一直惩罚自己，也学会更相信自己一点。』

「在社群媒体上不断更新自己的生活，和上真人实境选秀节目有什么不同？妳两者都经历过了，不晓得能不能谈谈妳对于这两者的观感？」

『这两者最大的差异，就是自己能决定「观众要看到什么」的掌控程度。自己的社群媒体，你能决定要分享什么、要让什么被看见，但实境选秀节目是别人帮你剪辑影片、别人决定什么东西要被看到。像在《超级名模生死斗》里，我明明就是一个很疯狂、有时候很愚蠢的人，但剪辑过后常常只呈现出我很天真可爱的一面，我当初讲的那个冷笑话呢？被剪掉了。虽然我觉得他们剪辑我的片段其实剪得满好的，但我还是希望能呈现更多面向的我，毕竟每个人都有好的和坏的一面，我希望能呈现最真实的我给大众，我希望能让观众发笑。

我觉得现在社群媒体经营得很成功的人，都是最极致的控制狂吧！

我希望能在社群媒体上呈现最真实的我，但有时候「不真实」也是真实的一部分。有些人就只发布修图过的照片，或是只用同一种滤镜，发文的内容也仅局限在时尚、旅游或是某个类别，但我觉得这样的坚持就像把自己关进了箱子里，局限了自己，而且也因为你只发布同样内容或是类似风格的照片，观众就会开始对你有期待，但有期待一定伴随着失望，当你有时候发布了不同的东西，他们会觉得这不是以前的你了。

像我的追踪者对我就没什么期待，我有时候会发完全没修图的照片，有时候又发修过图的照片，有时候发模特儿硬照，有时候又发一些我朋友帮我拍的看起来很笨、很好笑的影片，我想上传什么就上传什么，这样才能不局限，不把自己关进箱子里。我完全不知道我下一张照片会发什么，但我觉得「不知道」有时候是件好事，它会将你带到你自己也意想不到的地方。』

「妳都是怎么面对网路上攻击的言论与讯息呢？妳又是怎么看待生活以及各大产业被社群媒体侵占的现象呢？」

『其实我并没有遇过太多的攻击或批评耶！可能会追踪我的人都已经知道我的观点了，所以这样的情况并不多。不过如果遇到批评或是恶意的留言，只要有机会，我都会亲自回复，我觉得「沟通」是化解误会、停止攻击或是开启连结最有效的方式。面对这些言论，要随时准备好，不过并不是每个人都能随时准备好，或是有勇气挺身而出面对霸凌。我常跟我妈辩论，我觉得我只要能面对我妈，我就能面对任何人。再说，我也不是很在意那些Haters。

我觉得社群媒体是当今社会的新规则，毕竟每个世代都有专属于那个世代的东西。在现在这个世代，没有所谓「真实生活」和「社群媒体呈现的生活」之别，这两者间并没有一道泾渭分明的墙。对一个12岁的小孩来说，他们可以同时做很多件事，并不会分成「滑手机时间」、「阅读时间」或是「聊天时间」，对他们而言，所有事情都很自然而然，并不会打架，我觉得这个世代的脑子可能扩张得比我们还大，才能从善如流的同时面对这么多事情。

不过对我来说可能就还是会有点区别啦！我33岁了，我还是会分成滑手机状态和聊天状态。

还有，我觉得很重要、必须理解的一点就是，社群媒体不是「另一个」生活，或是「不同的」生活，它就是我们生活的一部分，没有好坏之分。就像是咖啡厅一样，有人一天要喝超多杯咖啡，有人就是会成瘾，也有人上咖啡厅就只是当成生活中的调剂，端看每个人的选择。不能说社群媒体就是不好，关键还是在于使用它的人。』

「能请妳分别谈谈在模特儿生涯中，妳曾有遇过最挫折以及最难忘的经验吗？」

『最挫折嘛⋯⋯就是遇到很脏的彩妆师！有些很有名的彩妆师不知道为什么就是很脏，每次都用同一支刷子，且完全不清洗就化不同人，请他们使用抛弃式的睫毛刷或是好好洗刷子！我就是因为遇到很脏的彩妆师，现在眼睛和脸才会这么浮肿，但偏偏这个彩妆师很有名同时又很戏剧化，我当时不想节外生枝就妥协了，结果过了这么多天都还没好！

我很幸运，在我的模特儿生涯中没有遇过#MeToo的经验，性骚扰在模特儿界是个很大的问题，但我觉得在纽约这样的情况比较少，或者应该说近几年应该比较少。

最难忘的话，应该就属被Todd Hido拍摄的经验了。Todd Hido是个艺术家也是位有名的摄影师，他曾到世界各地拍摄。当妳是个模特儿，大多时候在镜头下妳要一直笑，而当妳又是一位「大尺码」模特儿，妳就要表现得更开心，然而Todd Hido总能察觉我的阴暗面，他也喜欢那些幽暗的东西，并要求我表现出来。他可能会说：「好吧！妳今年过得不很顺，告诉我那些不顺、那些不快乐，Show Me！」

在他的镜头下，当模特儿对我来说是段疗伤的过程、是种艺术治疗。我觉得我童年的创伤、长大成人后的伤口都被疗愈了。被Todd Hido拍摄，我不怕表现出我的黑暗面。当我被拍摄，我知道我终于可以好好放下那些过去，好好把那些不愉快的回忆收藏起来，我不该再把它们带进我现在的生活里。大多数的商业摄影，我都必须扮演（Act）别人、我需要一直笑，但和Todd Hido一起工作，我被要求表现（Show）而非扮演（Act）我的情绪，我可以如实的呈现出我的所思所感。

现在在看这篇专访文章的人，如果你不是模特儿，但想试试艺术治疗，我很推荐你尝试摄影，在镜头底下，你可以很自由、按照你想要的方式摆动你的身体，或是拍裸照也是件很美的事。对于裸照，很多人会强加进很多不好的念头，但它其实是件很纯粹、很疗愈的艺术。

我25岁才开始当模特儿，也是那时候我才决定要当一名艺术家。身体就是我创作的媒介，我常常想很多，也有很多东西想追求，但我觉得最重要的是，不要害怕去追求、不要害怕去寻找你自己。』

「妳在俄国的经验是否影响了妳看事情的态度呢？」

『当然！美国与俄国的审美标准差非常多！在西伯利亚我居住的那个小镇里，size 4 以下才是美、才能被社会大众接受，在我的成长经验里，俄罗斯就是个有着严格要求女性身体标准的国家。在西伯利亚，服装店都只卖一个尺寸的衣服，而且卖的都是Sample Ssize，因为他们认为美只有一种标准，瘦就是美，当然莫斯科、圣彼得堡等大城市可能又不一样了。我的身体在美国就是个正常女性的尺寸，在美国的模特儿界算是大尺码，然而在俄罗斯就是超胖，会一直被社会和周遭的人有意无意的提醒这件事。

在我以前居住的那个小镇，因为女性人口多于男性，对于外貌有点像在比赛，一定要表现得很女性化、出门一定要化妆，不这么做的话就会被品头论足。像我今天出门就穿得很Hobo（新波西米亚风），还大素颜、戴眼镜，如果被我妈知道了，她一定会开始批评我，但在纽约没有人会觉得这有什么大不了，我自己能接受、我自己开心就好。』

「纽约对妳而言是一座怎么样的城市？在纽约的时尚产业里工作有什么心得感想呢？」

『New York is the BEST！这里有各式种族、年龄、性别的人，我可以跟我年龄相仿的人当朋友，同样也可以跟79岁或是12岁的人喝咖啡，这里太自由了，想做什么就做什么、想当谁就当谁，没有人会认为你该怎么样，或觉得这样对或不对。我想，相互尊重，是这座大熔炉之所以能一直接纳截然不同的人们的关键。

我虽然在俄国出生，但我总觉得我在纽约重生。

纽约有太多让人自我探索的机会，在这里我成长飞快，也更了解我自己，更能接受自己真实的样貌。虽然我现在正在跟一个异性恋男子交往，但我的自我认同是酷儿（酷儿用来统称性取向或性别认同为非异性恋者，诸如同性恋、双性恋和变性者），如果在俄国，尤其又是我出生的西伯利亚小镇，酷儿不但无法获得大家的接受，可能还会遭逢生命安全的威胁，某一天走在路上突然就被杀掉也不是不可能。

搬到纽约对我来说是梦想成真。纽约耶！是纽约！听起来就有点吓人，但我终于鼓起勇气跨出一大步，搬到这座我梦想中的城市，我面对了心里那个庞大的恐惧，我好像又更勇敢了一点。在这里，我有很多机会探索我是谁？我喜欢什么？我以前是个怎么样的人？我以前被要求、被教导要成为什么样的人？而我自己又想成为怎么样的人？像我妈一直希望我可以成为一个电脑工程师，但在这里，我听从自己心里的声音，追求当一名艺术家。在当艺术家前，我已经做过太多工作，有过很多不同的经验，而艺术是一条会让人有点害怕的路，但在纽约，我开始真正学会接受我自己想要什么，也开始接受自己是个什么样的人。我想，「尊重」是纽约的时尚产业最让人心生向往的理由，也是它之所以能运作得这么好的关键。

在纽约，模特儿是个受人尊重的职业，人们知道你是耗费了多少努力才成为一名模特儿。以前在旧金山工作的时候，大家都对模特儿很不以为然，还有一句广为流传的话：「在这里，每个人都是模特儿。」比如说，我的商业拍摄案是2000美金好了，在纽约，如果对方预算不足，他们会很诚恳的和我讨论，但在西岸，就会得到「妳少来！哪那么贵，Come On！」非常不尊重我的专业。』

「在妳以前的访问里，妳曾多次提过妳其实是个害羞又内向的人。然而在时尚产业工作，尤其是当模特儿，一定要很活泼、主动，还要很会社交，才有办法达到自己想去的地方。妳是怎么在真正的自我和呈现出来的自己之间取得平衡的呢？」

『如果我再更会社交、更不排斥外出一点，我铁定会比现在成功很多！但怎么说呢？我很多时候就是不想出门啊！理智告诉我要出去Hang Out，但我常常在最后一秒决定不出门，决定的那个瞬间我觉得好快乐啊！仿佛那是全世界最棒的事情，然而不出去社交的确会影响我的工作。如果我多参加朋友的庆生会、多去参加艺廊开幕，我绝对会有比现在更多的机会。一对一的朋友碰面我还行，但我真的不喜欢人多的社交场合。

其实模特儿是个24/7全年无休的工作，你需要不停社交、不停建立连结、不停拍摄，更不用说你要控制自己的饮食、要健身保持良好的体态，从来没有停下来的时候，当模特儿其实不像外人看来那么容易，尤其我又不喜欢外出，也很慢熟，和人不是那么容易建立连结，少了很多人脉，对我的工作来说又多了一层难度。我不会说我呈现出来的样貌和我真实的样貌有「平衡」，因为我一直以来都希望能表现出最真实的自己，我不会强迫自己做不喜欢或是不想要的事，所以也就没有什么平衡，荧幕前的我就是真实的我。』

「是什么事情驱使妳成为身体自主的倡议者？在这众多的声明与活动里，妳得到了什么？」

『其实没有特别驱使（Trigger）我的事情耶，我很自然而然的就栽进去了。我从来没想过：「嘿！我要当一名身体自主的倡议者！或是我要致力推广性别平权！」，我只是因为自己的经验与周遭朋友的遭遇，很自然的就在网路发表看法或是分享自己的故事，而后当别人开始为我冠上一些类似的头衔，我也觉得：「噢！原来我是个身体自主运动行动派（Body Positivity Activist）啊！听起来好像也很不错！」如果说，提倡身体自主是出于爱、是出于我个人的自我探索，那么倡导性别平等，则是出于我亲眼见到我朋友如何被对待的愤怒，然而愤怒其实也是爱的一种，只是是不同种类的能量罢了。

一个我最好的朋友是个跨性别者，她在还没动手术前，就算女性生理特征很鲜明，但留着短头发，在旧金山湾区要进女厕时，会被店员指指点点甚至出言羞辱，但我当时什么也不能做，也不能向店经理投诉，然而，凭什么她要受到这样的对待？就是因为这样的愤怒，让我更意识到性别平等的重要，进而在网路上发表看法。而当她动手术变成男性后，自我认同又变成是女性了，虽然知道的当下我觉得「What the fuck？」，但我清楚知道这是一段很艰难的性别认同过程。2017年我在纽约时代广场举办的「The Real Catwalk」，是我觉得截至目前为止我办过最成功、让我最有成就感的活动。这是个给所有人的伸展台，很开放、很真实，不分年龄、种族、高矮、胖瘦、性别，只要想走秀，全都能上台大方秀出自己的美丽。我觉得那才是真正包容、真正对所有人开放的时尚。』

「请问妳是怎么看待当今精品品牌追随时尚产业里声量越来越大的『多样性』、『包容性』的『规则』的现象？妳觉得他们真的拥抱这样的理念，还是只是象征主义，又或是只是品牌为了避免争议与批评、为了维持其政治正确，而不得不做的选择？」

『我觉得是后者，大部分都只是品牌为了不被批评、为了跟上潮流做出的决定，越有名的品牌越怕跟不上时代、越怕被抛在后头。很多在时尚产业工作的人，不晓得他们的影响力有多大，在地球一端的某个决定，可能会影响地球另一端、另一群人的生活，这样的蝴蝶效应很可观。现在这个时代，没有什么不可能，尤其在时尚里更是没有极限，这种自由很酷，它是时尚，但又不只是时尚，它还是整个世界。

有些品牌主打多样性和包容性，获得广大的回响和赞赏，但其实他们的多样和包容只局限在少数族群，像是身心障碍、大尺码、跨性别或是少数族裔，这样当然很好，那些过去被忽视的声音终于有机会被听到。然而他们从来不雇用「正常人」，这样何尝不是另一种排外？

真正的「包容」与「多样」应该是所有人拥有同样的机会，而不是将机会只给予少数人，如果他们要将重心放在少数群体上，那也很好，但就不应该用这样的词汇来行销、来造成误会。』

「在时尚产业里，有没有一个最欣赏的指标？」

『Jillian Mercado！她是我朋友，她超完美！她能每天都出门，而且都是好好打扮过、画了全妆的完美状态，我真的超佩服她！她最近也推出自己的配件品牌，除了给坐轮椅的人另一种选择，一般人也适用。』

「你觉得妳五年后会是什么样子？有没有一些想完成的事或是正在进行的计划？」

『我觉得我可以继续当模特儿当到79岁、当到100岁，但其实我也还蛮想尝试艺术指导的。

我对视觉呈现很有兴趣，很多人也会模仿我的构图、创意来拍照。被模仿这件事，一方面让我觉得蛮有成就感的，毕竟有很多人喜欢我的想法，但另一方面又觉得有点恼人，那是我的创意啊！关于未来，我不自我设限，我会继续当模特儿，但也蛮想尝试其他跟视觉呈现相关的工作。』

「对妳来说，时尚是什么？」

『时尚对我来说，就是一种透过服装呈现的艺术形式，就是这么简单。我很喜欢当代的时尚，它不像过去每个年代都有非常鲜明的风格，当今的时尚像是杯果昔，什么都掺一点，有各种风格、各个年代的特色，我觉得这样很棒！这样的时尚很自由，而自由正是创作的源头。过去的时尚杂志要表达友情，大部分都是两个相视而笑的朋友，很阳光、很灿烂，但现在，可能是三个发脾气的小孩坐在一起，这个表现更真实了。

时尚也是一种疗愈，它治愈了这个世界的不开心与忧郁，不只对个人，对整个世界未尝不是一种救赎。我觉得时尚是人类拥有世界上最强大的东西，它让人们看到更多选择、更多可能性。』

后记

对KhrystyAna来说，模特儿不是时尚产业里穿着华服拍照的载体，更是有主体感官、思考的艺术家。在访问之间，她突然说，她以为这次专访会像她以前的访问一样，都问些表面的问题，大概15分钟就结束，没想到这次访问的问题都很深入，她很喜欢，还要我一定要写个英文版，她想放进她的作品集里。

一个半小时下来，可以深刻感受到，KhrystyAna不像大多外媒形容的那般Bubbly，她的确很可爱、很亲切，但更深一层，她是位哲学家。从西伯利亚一路辗转来到纽约，做过各式工作最后降落在模特儿跑道上，对于自己的身体、性别以至于人生，都经历过或深或浅的冲击与反思，她说她喜欢思考，但常常想太多，然而大概也是这股「想太多」，才让她的作品有着灵动的神韵吧！

（English Version）

Immigrating from Siberia to Hawaii at 20 with her mom, then moving to San Fransisco and finally settling down in New York, KhrystyAna Kazakova has been staying in the United States for almost 13 years. KhrystyAna gets her fame from the popular reality TV show, America's Next Top Model, but she is not your stereotypical model. In weekdays, she might be doing shoots, while in her spare time, she would attend or host events to practice her beliefs in "be proud of your own body" and "respect every gender identity."

In terms of age and body type, KhrstyAna is not a typical model.

She isn't a model until the age of 25, which is a fairly old age to start in the model industry. She is also a plus-size model, even though she looks just like a normal size American woman. Many journalists would describe KhrstyAna as bubbly. However, under her radiant smile, shiny confidence and bubbly personality, KhrstyAna actually has something more to tell.

Can you please share with us what's the most important thing you've learned in America's Next Top Model?

In America's Next Top Model, I learned to be more confident, to own myself more I'd say, but that was in the very end of the show. When I was in the show, I cared so much about how people saw me. I was desperate for validation because I wasn't confident enough. Sometimes I might think what I just said over and over again and kept criticizing myself for saying that. But at the end of show, I realized I'd been at the very bottom, but so what? I didn't know I was gonna survive that long. From then on, I learned to not punish myself and to believe in myself more.

Is there any difference between keeping updating your life on social media and starring in a reality TV show? What's your insights about these two?

The biggest difference between these two is the control you own. On your own social media, you can decide what to share and what to be shown to people. But on reality TV, people edit it for you. For example, when I was in America's Next Top Model, I sometimes told a really bad joke, but when the episode was out, the joke was edited. Most of the time, they only showed my cute side. I'm actually a crazy and goofy person. Don't get me wrong, I really like their edits. But if I had control of what to show, I'd hope to show the public more about the real me. Everyone has their good side and bad side. I want people to know every side of me. I want to make people laugh.I feel like whoever's successful on social media is probably the biggest control freak in life ever.

I want to show the real me on social media. But sometimes, being not real is part of the real. Some people stick to never editing their photos, or to always using the same filter, or only posting photos in specific categories: fashion, travel for example. However, I feel people are putting themselves in a box. You're limiting yourself by doing so. And after you limit yourself in specific categories, people have expectations on you. If you don't post as what you used to, people get disappointed. They start to feel like you're not the real you anymore.

My social media is to embrace all of me, instead of parts of me. My followers have no expectations for me. Sometimes I post unedited photos, sometimes I post edited photos. Sometimes I post my model work, sometimes I post some silly but funny videos my friends took for me. I post whatever I like. I think without the limits, I'm not putting myself in a box. I have no idea what I'm going to post next. I feel like "not knowing" is a good thing. It brings you to places you've never imagined.

How do you deal with hateful messages and comments? And how do you see the dominance of social media in the fashion industry?

Actually I didn't get much criticism or hateful comments. Probably my followers have already known me and what I stand for before they decide to follow me. But if I get hateful messages or comments, when I get a chance, I'll try to reply them myself. Starting a conversation is always the best way to end hatred or misunderstanding. And you have to always be ready. I know not everyone is always ready, or have the courage to stand up to a bully. I just do it. I kinda enjoy it. I used to argue with my mom. I always feel if I can stand up to my mom, I can stand up to anybody. Besides, I don't really care about haters.

I think social media is the new norm nowadays. After all, every generation has their own thing. In this generation, there's no such thing as "real life" and "social media life." There's not much wall between these two. For 12-year-olds, they know how to do it all. For them, everything's so natural. I really feel the kids' brains are expanding, so they're able to do so many things at the same time. But for me, I'm 33. There's still a difference with cell phone time and talking time.I think there's something very important to know. That is, social media is not "another" life or a "different" life. It is just part of our life. It's such like everything else. It's like going to the coffee shop. Some people need to drink so much coffee everyday, some people just get addicted. But some people just go there for a cup of coffee and for the pastry. It's just personal choice. You can't say social media is bad. It only depends on the people using it.

Can you share with us one of the most frustrating and one of the most unforgettable experience in your model career?

The most frustrating is that the makeup artist is dirty! I don't know why some famous makeup artists are so dirty. They do every model with the same brush! Wash your brush or use disposable ones!I look so puffy right now just because the makeup artist is dirty, but he is also dramatic. I didn't want to get into trouble, so I didn't say anything then. So I ended up like this for so many days!I'm very lucky that I don't have any #MeToo moments during my model career. Sexual harassment is a big issue in the model industry. But I feel like there's less sexual harassment happening in New York recent years.The most unforgettable experience is working with Todd Haido. Todd Haido is a famous artist and photographer. He's been to all over the world for shoots. When you are a model, you're asked to smile. When you're a plus-size model, you're asked to smile more, you're supposed to be happier. However, Todd Haido can see my darkness. He actually likes darkness. He would say, "You've been through a shitty year. Show me how shitty your year has been."

Under his lens, modeling is like a therapy, an artistic therapy. I feel like my childhood trauma and my adulthood wounds are all healed. When I work with Todd Haido, I'm not afraid of showing my darkness. When I am photographed, I know I could finally treat them as past and move on. I shouldn't bring them into my present life anymore.In commercial shoots, most of the time I need to act. I need to smile a lot. But working with Todd Haido, I was asked to show, not act. I can really show what I'm feeling.

For anyone reading this interview, if you're not a model but want to try artistic therapy, I'll recommend photography. When you're being shot, you can be free. You can do whatever you want with your own body. Nudes are beautiful as well. Many people might have some ill thoughts about nude photography, but it is actually a real and pure form of art.I started working as a model when I was 25. That was when I decided to be an artist.I always think a lot and have so many things to pursue. I think the most important thing is that don't be afraid to seek or to search for yourself.

Does your childhood experience in Russia affect how you see things?

Of course! In Russia, I'm considered pretty fat! The beauty standard in Russia and that in the US is so different. In the little town in Siberia where I grew up, only bodies that are below size 4 are considered beautiful. It's the only acceptable size for the society. It's a different form of body shame. In Siberia, there's only one size of clothes in shops. Only sample size. That's what they think of beauty. I believe in Moscow things will be different.As for me, I'm size 8 to size 10. In America, I'm just an ordinary woman, but in the model industry, I'm a plus-size model. The beauty standard in the model industry is pretty much like that in Russia.

In the small town I used to live in Siberia, because there are more women than men, it's kind of competitive. You have to be very feminine. And it's impossible to go without makeup. If you don't do this, people will criticize you. For example, I dress very hobo today, wearing baggy sweatshirt and sweatpants. I don't have makeup on and I also wear glasses. If my mom knew, she would absolutely criticize me of how I look. But in New York, nobody thinks it's a big deal. It only matters that I'm okay with it and I'm happy.

How do you like New York? How do you feel like working in fashion in New York?

New York is the BEST! There are all kinds of people here: different race, ethnicity, age and gender. It's truly a melting pot. You start to feel okay about who you are. I don't have a single friend that has the same background here. I can befriend with people around my age. I can also have a cup of coffee with a 65-year-old or a 12-year-old. There's so much freedom here. I can do whatever I like and be whoever I want. Nobody will think anything of you. I think mutual respect is the reason why this melting pot can keep embracing all kinds of different people here.Although I was born in Russia, I felt like I was reborn in New York.

There are so many opportunities of self-discovery in New York for you to explore who you are. I grow so fast here. I know myself more, and I can easier accept who I really am. Although I'm dating a gender straight guy, I still identity myself as a queer person. Russia is not the safest place to come out, especially in the small town in Siberia. I might not be accepted by the public. My life might even be threatened or killed, maybe by the government or maybe by the people I don't know. It's not impossible.For me, moving to New York is a dream comes true. I mean, it's New York! People love New York. It sounds a bit scary, but I finally brave up to face my fear. Here, I get the chance to discover who I am, what I like, what I was like, what I was asked and taught to be, what I was wanted to be and what I actually want to be. My mom always wants me to be a programmer. But here in New York, I'm able to listen to my inner self to become an artist. Before becoming an artist, I've done so many different jobs. I have so much different experience. For me, being an artist is a scary path, but in New York, I learn to embrace what I really want and try to accept who I really am.I think respect is the key factor why fashion industry in New York can work so well.

In New York, model is a respectable profession. People know how much effort you've made to get here as a model. When I was working in San Fransisco, people didn't take models seriously. They always said, "Everybody here is a model or an influencer" something like that. For example, I charge $2,000 for e-commerce shoot. In New York, if they don't have the budget, they will genuinely tell me so and discuss with me, while on the West Coast, people would just say, "Come on, seriously?" They don't really respect me.

In previous interviews, you've mentioned multiple times that you're actually shy and introverted. But in the fashion industry, especially working as a model, you must act very outgoing, active and of course social in order to excel. How do you balance between your real self and your work/presentable self?

If I go out more often, I will absolutely be more successful. But sometimes I just don't wanna go out. I know I should hang out more, but I always make my decision at the last second of not going out. Every time I make the decision, I feel so happy, as if that was the best thing in the world. Not going out really affects my career. If I go to my friends' birthday parties more often, or go to gallery openings, I definitely will have more opportunities than I have now.

Being a model is a 24/7 job. You have to keep socializing, keep making connections, keep shooting, and not to mention you have to keep control of your diet and keep working out. It never ends. Being a model is never that easy as people see it. Especially for me, I don't really like to go out. It's also harder for me to build connections, which makes things even harder.I won't say there's a "balance" between what I show and who I really am. I always want to show the world the real me. I won't force myself to do something I don't like or I don't want to, so there's actually no balance. It's always the real me.

What triggers you to be a body positivity activist? What have you learned through all the events and statements?

There's nothing "triggers" me to do it. I just fall for it. I've never thought: "Oh, I want to be a body positivity activist, or I want to promote gender equality!" I just share my own stories or what happened around my friends very naturally. When people start to call me a body positivity activist or something like that, I would think, "Oh, I'm a body positivity activist! That sounds cool."If advocating body positivity comes from love, from self-discovery, then promoting gender equality comes from the anger I see how my friends are treated. But even anger comes from love. It just has different energy.

My best friend is a trans-gender. Before having the surgery, she would be judged or even humiliated when she was going to restrooms in cafes at Bay area, even when she still looked very feminine. I couldn't do anything about it. I just see it happen all the time, and it's frustrating. But why should she be treated like that? Because of the anger, I started to notice the importance of gender equality, and started to share my thoughts on the Internet.

The Real Catwalkthat I hosted on Times Square in 2017 is the most successful and fulfilling event I've ever held. It is a runway open for everybody. It's open and it's real. It doesn't matter what race, age, body type or sexuality you are. As long as you want to walk the runway, then go. I think that's the real inclusive and open fashion for everybody.

How do you see the phenomenon of luxury brands following the "rules" of diversity and inclusivity? Do you think they really embrace the concepts, or do they fall into tokenism and just want to avoid criticism and be politically correct?

I think it's the latter. Most of the brands just make their decisions to avoid criticism and for fear of being left behind.Many people working in the fashion industry don't know how influential they are. Sometimes a decision made on the one side of the planet might affect the other side of it. The butterfly effect is huge. In this current era, nothing is impossible, especially in fashion. The freedom in fashion is cool. This is fashion, but it is also how it's gonna be in the world as well. It makes you breathe.

Some brands market themselves as diverse and inclusive, and gain so much applause. But it turns out that their inclusivity and diversity are limited to the minority. Normal people don't get a chance. It's nice for the minority to finally be heard, but then you can't say yourself inclusive and diverse. It's the wrong terminology to use.

Who's your role model or style icon in the fashion industry? And why?

Jillian Mercado! She's my friend. She's perfect.

She can go out everyday and all dress up and have the perfect makeup. I really admire her. Recently, she launched her own accessory line, not only for people in wheel chairs, but for all people.

Where do you see yourself in five years? Do you have any other projects or plans coming up?

I don't mind keeping modeling till I'm 79 or 100 years old, but I actually really want to try art direction. I'm really interested in visual presentation. Many people will recreate my vision. Being recreated on the one hand gives me a sense of satisfaction that people do like my stuff, but on the other, it's a bit annoying. That's my creativity!

For the future, I don't have limitations. I'll keep working as a model, but I also want to try some visual-related works.

For you, what is fashion? How will you define contemporary fashion?

Fashion for me, is an art expression through clothes. That's it.

I really like contemporary fashion. It doesn't have a specific traits like the past. It's like a smoothie of everything. It's fashion becoming. It's pretty cool. In the past, if fashion magazines wanted to represent friendship, they might have two happy friends smiling at each other; but now, it might be three grumpy kids sit together. It's more real.Fashion is also healing. It affects the world's unhappiness and depression. It's not only for individual, but for the whole world. I see fashion as the most powerful tool in the world in all human kind. It makes people see more options and possibilities.

For KhrstyAna, model is not just a medium for beautiful clothes, but an artist expressing her thoughts and emotions through her body.After this one and a half hour interview, I find KhrstyAna not as bubbly as she is always depicted on media. She is friendly and lovely indeed. But to put forth, she is actually a philosopher. She came all along the way from Siberia to New York. she's done all kinds of jobs and finally landed on being a model. She has contemplated so much about her body, her gender and as far as her life.

KhrystyAna says she loves to think, but always thinks too much. But maybe it's exactly this overthink that makes her so spiritual and so different.

《超级名模生死斗》之后 KhrystyAna的非典型大尺码模特旅程

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《超级名模生死斗》之后　KhrystyAna的非典型大尺码模特旅程